Insanity Is My Name
by NekoBerryXo
Summary: Kendall is an outsider and is sent to the insane asylum, there he meets James, and a new romance unfolds and they try to get out.
1. Me, Myself and I

**A/N: This is my first time writing a story, the story takes place in an AU and has nothing to do with the normal series. It's a M/M so if you don't like these please don't read and choose a different story. I would really appreciate reviews and would be happy for suggestions. ^^ **

**Insanity Is My Name**

Kendall's pov:

I wake up, sleep still fogging my mind. I lay on my bed waiting for the fog to lift but I instantly regretted it because suddenly reality came crashing down, all my problems, all my lies, all well…. All everything that I am not ready to face. Fully awake I lie still in my bed and let the cold seep through me hoping that it would distract my mind of the world. I hate it… I hate the feeling of waking up all alone with no one beside me. Feeling that the coldness not helping me getting the problems of my mind I slowly get up hearing my bones pop. I look out of the window from my room and see the birds chirp, people walking down the street, I hate it! I hate that all of them are happy and not understanding my pain. I hear voices in my head, they tell me that I am useless, ugly and so many things more, they urge me to do things that I would never do. I slowly go to the bathroom, trying to be silent so I won't wake up my mom. I look in the mirror and see myself on it, I look terrible, like always…..

**You are ugly, stupid and useless I don't even know why you are still alive; you should kill yourself right now!**

I slowly look at the blade that I kept hidden so no one would see it, I grabbed it and held it in my hands.

**Do it, kill yourself now! No one will care if you're gone, you just burden them anyways so slit yourself now! I bet everyone would be happy that you're gone! Your mom must be ashamed that you are a faggot! Your sister would be more than glad to have you gone and not need to tell her friends that she doesn't have a brother!**

They always say that… Even though I know that it isn't true, there is part of me that thinks that what the voices say were true… I always see that sad look when my mom looks at me when she thinks I'm, not watching… I see the look of disgust that crosses my sister's face… I pulled my sleeves up and see the countless scars that I have… No one ever notices that I always wear long and dark clothes… I lay the metal blade on my skin and slowly slice it through my pale white skin… Watching how the blood seeps through my skin, I let out a sigh and close my eyes, relishing the stinging sensation; it helps me distract myself from my problems. I wait for a moment and let that feeling sink in, I wiped the wound clean and put a bandage around it and pulled my sleeve down. I went back to my room and changed my clothes, wearing a long sleeved black shirt and skinny black jeans with black chucks and left my house, I don't eat breakfast well I don't eat much at all, call me anorexic or whatever I don't care anyways. I walked to my school since it was like a couple of houses away, dreading the day already, I hate my school, I hate the people in it and… well, I just hate everything, not only the school, but everything I know, see and hear.

I bet you wonder how I became this fucked up, well my father and mother always fought each other when I was 8 and after the last fight I could remember my dad just packed his stuff and left without another word. At that time my father didn't know he had a little daughter, yeah my little sister Katie wasn't born at that time yet, she was still in the stomach of my mom. After my dad left, my mum went to a deep depression and always blamed me for it and said that she hated me a lot since I looked like my father, after that phase and Katie was born she ignored me, as if I I'd never existed…. She only took care of my sister and we never talked again well we did but not much so yeah, I don't hate her and still love her but I wished that she would have treated me better. My mom doesn't know that I cut myself and I don't want her to know, I don't want her to get more depressed than she already is… But I have to admit that I'm a good boy, I don't smoke, I don't take drugs and I don't do anything that gets me in any kind of trouble, I admit that I am a silent person but can you blame me?


	2. The End?

_A/N: __ Here is the second chapter, sorry that it took so long to update ^^_

Kendall's pov:

I arrived at school at last, walking through the corridor, everybody was looking at me, they all look at me as if I was some kind of freak, they alway try to avoid me as if I was some kind of plague, that's by I don't have any friends, well I don't give a damn anyways, they all prejudice me, they don't even try to know me, they only spread rumours about me.

I walked into my first class and sat in the back row alone as always. I have German class now, how much I loathe this class, well all classes to be more exact, my teacher mrs. .whatever her name is, I don't even bother trying to learn the names of my teachers, because they all hate me anyways.

**-Voice-**

**Yeah, of course they hate you, who would like you anyways? You're fat, ugly and stupid; I bet they know how you slit your wrists every day.**

I shake my head trying to get rid of the voice. My teacher walked in with a smile like always with her coffee in her hand, she always drinks coffee and I bet that she is addicted to it. She walked to her desk and sat down looking around if anybody is missing, her gaze landed on me and instantly her smile is replaced by a snarl and her once sympathetic and understanding eyes in to a glare. I hate that look so much, she never liked me, and even at the first day of school she gave me that look. Teachers always give me those kinds of looks, hell they don't even try to try to understand me or give me a chance to prove them wrong about stupid rumours that they hear, they only judge me with the things they hear.

She stopped glaring at me and started of her lesson. I automatically tune her out and look out of the window since the world out there seems so more interesting than the shit that spills out of her mouth. I don't even care that she hates me or the other teachers, the weather isn't great either, it started to pour when I entered my class. Great! I didn't bring a rain jacket or an umbrella. I think God hates me and tries to make my life as miserable as possible. Nothing good ever happens to me. I don't even know why I'm doing in this clad anyways, it's so boring. I packed my stuff and stood up, leaving the classroom, not caring if it's in the middle of the lesson or my teacher yelling at me to come back, it isn't like the first time that I do something like that. As I walk out school not caring if it's raining cats and dogs, I take out my iPod and headphone, tuning the volume up as loud as possible and walk home. I don't know but this all seems so surreal as if I was in a nightmare hoping that I would wake up someday and everything would be ok. My only excuse for my behaviour at school is just that I'm tired; I'm tired of the same routine, seeing the same people with their fake smiles and pity or disgust in their eyes and doing the same things every day. I just want a break, a break from reality, is it too much to ask for to just have a fucking break!

I arrive home, not caring if i was wet or not and decide that it isn't worth baring all this shit, I know this is a quick decision but I just can't stand it anymore it's not like they would notice my absence or anything, so I walk to the bathroom and made myself a bath, I looked at myself in the mirror and see a teen with dull hair, frail looking body and dull lifeless eyes.

Once the bath was filled I stripped until I was in my boxers and slipped in. Taking the blade I hid, I slit my wrists and let out a hiss. At that time I wasn't thinking anything except for that stinging feeling and not about my family or what they would think or do about it, I admit that it is selfish but at this moment I just don't give a damn anymore. I hear the voice in my head laugh and congratulating me for wasting my life and etc. I started to feel tiered, my eyes closing and darkness enveloping my mind.

Peace at last.


	3. Hell in White

Kendall's pov:

Where am I? Ughhh I open my eyes and instantly close them, the pain! I cringed and I slowly try to open my eyes again. I immediately get blinded by the bright white room, everything so white. How much I hate that colour, it just reminds me how easily something so innocent can be corrupted. I immediately note the accent of medicine and other stuff that belongs to a hospital.

Wait what happened? Didn't I just lie in the tub and... I instantly looked at my arms and so that they were bandaged, I stare at it in schlock, my mind going rampage thinking about why could have happened and what even really happened. Who found me? Was the question that keeps returning it didn't seem like that it would go away got a while do I pondered about whom it could be...

I mentally cringe at the thought of my mother or little sister finding me, I wonder what they are doing right now, what they are thinking or feeling?

**-VOICE-**

**They must be so ashamed of you right now, they must really hate you more than ever because for 1 they have to bear the constant questioning about your stupid suicide attempt.**

B-b-but you told me to kill myself, you told me that everyone hates me and that I should do everyone a favour and kill myself!

-VOICE-

Bitch please, I'm only just a figment of imagination in your pathetic little shitty mind so shut the fuck up!

I'm only voicing out your true feelings and thoughts so don't blame the things that you feel or think on me, because I only fucking voice them out!

My mind went blank. I suddenly felt cold and empty. I can't feel anything except for the numbness that seems to creep through my whole body. I hear someone laugh and I can feel something wet coming from my eyes and gliding down my cheek. It seems like I'm in shock but I hear something it's someone chuckling... Wait I know that voice and it seems that the chuckling increased into hysterical laughing... It was my voice that is laughing like a mentally ill person, it sounds so broken, and the only thing that I notice is how the nurses and a doctor bursting through the door, one holding a needle with some clear liquid substance in it. The nurses held me tight and the doctor plunged the needle in my arm and pushed in the clear substance. I stopped laughing like mad and my eyes slowly starting to drop and as I look at the open door I see how my mother and sister looking worried and scared at the same time.

I woke up again and I noticed how my arms and legs were tied on the bed and my mother laying half on the bed and the other in the chair besides the bed sleeping. I tried to say something but my neck felt dry, but my voice came out raspy. I felt my mother steer and rubbing her eyes and yawning at the same time, as her eyes open she looked at me with sad eyes. She notices how I'm struggling with voicing out my thoughts so she took the water bottle and held it to my mouth gently so I could drink from it.

"What happened? Why am I tied down?" I asked.

"Honey, well... You had a mental break down, well that is what the doctor told me... I have decided that... I'm going to send you to place that the doctor recommended me , so you can take a break and maybe Get better?" I could hear her say.

I could only stare at her with shock, what the fuck happened? I couldn't believe her, my own mom is going to send me to a mental asylum, well ok she didn't say that but I know what she meant by the words, where I could take a break to get better.

I'm not crazy, well I know that I'm maybe a bit weird but I defiantly am not crazy!

The doctor came in and I could hear him talk to my mom that the transportation was ready to take me away and the only thing I saw my mother do was nod and she looked at me one last time and walked slowly out of the room not sparing me one last glance. My eyes went wide and alert and I start to shout, scream and thrash around. Screaming for help but nobody even spared me a glance, my eyes started to tear and I could feel how a tear slowly left my eye.

Help please, anyone please help... I don't want to go there. Please!


End file.
